Satirist Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents' Dinner in April 2006.
The full video (24:10) is here
The full transcript is here
Excerpts:
I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the No Fact Zone. Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys.
Jesse Jackson .... Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
New press secretary, Tony Snow. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
On language, thought, gender, and direction
("Finally!" some readers may feel, "a blog post that's closer to what a blog post should be!")
Today's New York Times Magazine has a feature article on "Does Your Language Shape How You Think?" by Guy Deutscher. Deutscher is a linguistics scholar at the University of Manchester, and the article is from his forthcoming book, Through the Language Glass: Why the World Looks Different in Other Languages
The article touches on three issues of great interest to me. (I was a linguistics minor in grad school, and I probably would have been a cognitive science major had there been such a thing at the time.)
First, the article starts with the ideas of Benjamin Lee Whorf, about how language might affect our thinking. I first read Whorf as an undergraduate (not for any assignment), and I was so intrigued by the idea that I applied for a Watson Fellowship to travel and research it. (I didn't get the Fellowship.)
Second, one of the "case studies" the article discusses is the gender of nouns in many languages, one of the impediments to my foreign language learning. I strongly resist the illogical genderfication of everything. Deutscher writes,
Third, Deutscher discusses the remarkable directionality of an Australian aboriginal language:
That's me!
It's slowly diminishing, but I've always amazed people with my sense of direction and place, particularly how strongly it was tied to my memories of events. If I half-remembered something, one of the first pieces that would come to me would be what direction I was facing, then whether I was indoors or out, where the door or highway or downtown or other landmark was, and that would usually pinpoint where this took place, which would remind me of everything else -- when it occurred, who was there, who was speaking, etc.
My sense of direction was weaker when I was a passenger in a car or boat or plane, and, if I couldn't pin down the directions at all in a memory, it usually was something that happened in a dream or when I was stoned! (Those were the days!)
My sense of direction is not as strong now as it used to be. I'm not sure why.
Today's New York Times Magazine has a feature article on "Does Your Language Shape How You Think?" by Guy Deutscher. Deutscher is a linguistics scholar at the University of Manchester, and the article is from his forthcoming book, Through the Language Glass: Why the World Looks Different in Other Languages
The article touches on three issues of great interest to me. (I was a linguistics minor in grad school, and I probably would have been a cognitive science major had there been such a thing at the time.)
First, the article starts with the ideas of Benjamin Lee Whorf, about how language might affect our thinking. I first read Whorf as an undergraduate (not for any assignment), and I was so intrigued by the idea that I applied for a Watson Fellowship to travel and research it. (I didn't get the Fellowship.)
Second, one of the "case studies" the article discusses is the gender of nouns in many languages, one of the impediments to my foreign language learning. I strongly resist the illogical genderfication of everything. Deutscher writes,
[O]nce gender connotations have been imposed on impressionable young minds, they lead those with a gendered mother tongue to see the inanimate world through lenses tinted with associations and emotional responses that English speakers — stuck in their monochrome desert of “its” — are entirely oblivious to. Did the opposite genders of “bridge” in German and Spanish, for example, have an effect on the design of bridges in Spain and Germany? Do the emotional maps imposed by a gender system have higher-level behavioral consequences for our everyday life? Do they shape tastes, fashions, habits and preferences in the societies concerned? At the current state of our knowledge about the brain, this is not something that can be easily measured in a psychology lab. But it would be surprising if they didn’t.
Third, Deutscher discusses the remarkable directionality of an Australian aboriginal language:
In order to speak a language like Guugu Yimithirr, you need to know where the cardinal directions are at each and every moment of your waking life. You need to have a compass in your mind that operates all the time, day and night, without lunch breaks or weekends off, since otherwise you would not be able to impart the most basic information or understand what people around you are saying. Indeed, speakers of geographic languages seem to have an almost-superhuman sense of orientation. Regardless of visibility conditions, regardless of whether they are in thick forest or on an open plain, whether outside or indoors or even in caves, whether stationary or moving, they have a spot-on sense of direction. They don’t look at the sun and pause for a moment of calculation before they say, “There’s an ant just north of your foot.” They simply feel where north, south, west and east are, just as people with perfect pitch feel what each note is without having to calculate intervals.
That's me!
It's slowly diminishing, but I've always amazed people with my sense of direction and place, particularly how strongly it was tied to my memories of events. If I half-remembered something, one of the first pieces that would come to me would be what direction I was facing, then whether I was indoors or out, where the door or highway or downtown or other landmark was, and that would usually pinpoint where this took place, which would remind me of everything else -- when it occurred, who was there, who was speaking, etc.
My sense of direction was weaker when I was a passenger in a car or boat or plane, and, if I couldn't pin down the directions at all in a memory, it usually was something that happened in a dream or when I was stoned! (Those were the days!)
My sense of direction is not as strong now as it used to be. I'm not sure why.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
On boycotting Target (Aug. '10)
This letter of mine was published in the Los Angeles Times in August 2010:
Most of my clothes are from Target, but no more. Why in the world would I want to contribute to those who would deny my rights? I will instead use what little leverage I have to support those who support me.
Political actions have consequences.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Threatening First Interstate Bank ('94)
When First Interstate Bank (now part of Wells Fargo) removed sexual orientation from their non-discrimination policy, I wrote the letter below. They did rescind the change.
[My best letter (so far) on gay rights]
Bruce Willison, President and CEO
First Interstate Bank
707 Wilshire Blvd., M.S. W25-1
Los Angeles, CA 90017
Dear Mr. Willison,
I am a long-time, generally satisfied First Interstate customer. In fact, as my checks tell the world, you consider me a "time-honored" customer. Hence, it deeply saddens me to hear about the recent changes to your employment non-discrimination policy.
I have read Ken Preston's January 25 letter to George Kronenberger, and I find it completely unacceptable. With regard to sexual orientation discrimination, all you are now saying is, "We obey the law." Well, I should hope so, but you should be ashamed to proclaim this as your only corporate policy on the question. It provides no protection at all for your gay and lesbian employees or applicants in jurisdictions without external governmental protection.
Unless you quickly re-instate protection against sexual orientation discrimination for employees of all units of First Interstate world-wide, I will begin transferring my business elsewhere, I will close my account, and I will encourage others to do the same.
It should not take these kinds of threats to make you act. All you need to do is ask yourself what is the right thing to do for your employees, and make your corporate policies reflect that. It's an easy question with an easy answer. I hope to hear that you have figured it out.
Sincerely yours,
Rodney Hoffman
cc: Edward Carson, First Interstate Bancorp
George Kronenberger, NGLTF
[My best letter (so far) on gay rights]
Bruce Willison, President and CEO
First Interstate Bank
707 Wilshire Blvd., M.S. W25-1
Los Angeles, CA 90017
Dear Mr. Willison,
I am a long-time, generally satisfied First Interstate customer. In fact, as my checks tell the world, you consider me a "time-honored" customer. Hence, it deeply saddens me to hear about the recent changes to your employment non-discrimination policy.
I have read Ken Preston's January 25 letter to George Kronenberger, and I find it completely unacceptable. With regard to sexual orientation discrimination, all you are now saying is, "We obey the law." Well, I should hope so, but you should be ashamed to proclaim this as your only corporate policy on the question. It provides no protection at all for your gay and lesbian employees or applicants in jurisdictions without external governmental protection.
Unless you quickly re-instate protection against sexual orientation discrimination for employees of all units of First Interstate world-wide, I will begin transferring my business elsewhere, I will close my account, and I will encourage others to do the same.
It should not take these kinds of threats to make you act. All you need to do is ask yourself what is the right thing to do for your employees, and make your corporate policies reflect that. It's an easy question with an easy answer. I hope to hear that you have figured it out.
Sincerely yours,
Rodney Hoffman
cc: Edward Carson, First Interstate Bancorp
George Kronenberger, NGLTF
Monday, July 5, 2010
Bill Maher: "George of the Bungle" ('05)
Bill Maher, HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher, Sept. 9, 2005:
The video (3:52) is here.
Partial transcript:
Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend -- you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the Army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy, or space man?
Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.
But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes.
On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky.
I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.
So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is "Take a hint."
The video (3:52) is here.
Partial transcript:
Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend -- you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the Army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy, or space man?
Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.
But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes.
On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky.
I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.
So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is "Take a hint."
Where's the fiber optic line to my door? ('06)
Still infuriatingly true! The text below is from 2006, but the graphic above is from Feb. 2010.
Link: $200 Billion Broadband Scandal
From the free book Broadband Scandal:
The Bell Companies never delivered symmetrical fiber-optic connectivity to millions of Americans though they were paid more than $200 billion to do it.
During the buildup to the 1996 Telecommunications Reform Act, the major U.S. telcos promised to deliver fiber to 86 million households by 2006 (we’re talking about fiber to the home, here). They asked for, and were given, some $200 billion in tax cuts and other incentives to pay for it. But the Bells didn’t spend that money on fiber upgrades — they spent it on long distance, wireless and inferior DSL services. Some headlines from Kushnick’s work:
- By 2006, 86 million households should have been rewired with a fiber optic wire, capable of 45 Mbps, in both directions.
- The public subsidies for infrastructure were pocketed. The phone companies collected over $200 billion in higher phone rates and tax perks, about $2000 per household.
- The World is Laughing at US. Korea and Japan have 100 Mbps services as standard, and America could have been Number One had the phone companies actually delivered. Instead, we are 16th in broadband and falling in technology dominance.
Bumperstickers ('06)
Some favorite bumperstickers and slogans in early 2006:
(Each is a link to cafepress)
Military records of politicians ('05)
Comparing military records of prominent politicians and pundits.
Some of the Republicans are shown here. The full list, including Democrats (many of whom had distinguished service records), is at the link above.
- George W. Bush: failed to complete his six-year National Guard; got assigned to Alabama so he could campaign for family friend running for U.S. Senate; failed to show up for required medical exam, disappeared from duty.
- Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage.
- Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as flight instructor.
- Dennis Hastert: did not serve.
- Tom Delay: did not serve.
- Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
- Rick Santorum: did not serve.
- Trent Lott: did not serve.
- Phil Gramm: did not serve.
- John McCain: Vietnam POW, Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross.
- Sean Hannity: did not serve.
- Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.')
- Bill O'Reilly: did not serve.
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