Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The latest on Victor not visiting the U.S.

As I had decided previously, we applied for a U.S. tourist visa again. Twice in the last five months, actually. After all, I think we have a compelling case:

Why Victor will not overstay a tourist visa and will return to Mexico:

I am a U.S. citizen. Victor and I have been in a long-distance relationship since 1993. I come to Yucatán multiple times every year to be with Victor.

If Victor wanted to stay in the U.S., we would apply for a K-1 fiancé visa and get married.

But his mother and other family are still in Yucatán, and he is not yet ready to retire, so he does not yet want to move to the U.S.

Victor’s salary is irrelevant. I pay for our trips together, within México and internationally (Costa Rica, Canada, Argentina, Netherlands, South Africa, Guatemala). If Victor receives a tourist visa, I will pay for his travels to and within the U.S., including his room and board. I paid for his visa application. I give Victor additional money when I visit.

Victor's hoped-for trips to the U.S. will be brief, 2-3 weeks, each devoted to visiting and sightseeing. No work.

All we want is to be able to exchange visits, instead of my always coming to Yucatán, as I've been doing now for more than 22 years.

Despite the visa application being many pages long and asking about all kinds of things, there is no place to insert the above information. For our first 2015 application, I sent the note as an email to the consulate. I received a rote non-response, including "... your daughter-in-law must demonstrate to the interviewing consular officer... " WTF?!

When we arrived for Victor's interview, I asked whether I could join him, and was told no, only a potential employer could go. Victor answered questions, but was not assertive about saying more. He was told his salary was insufficient and he would not get a visa.

For our next attempt (yesterday), I gave Victor multiple signed copies of the above note, with firm instructions to insist that the interviewer read it, and if they did not, to insist again after the next question and hand over another copy. He did that, repeatedly, and the woman refused to look at it! Grrrr. Of course, all other information being the same, Victor was again refused a visa.

So let me recap the stupid parts of the U.S. visa process:

  • They wrongly assume all married couples must live together.
  • They wrongly assume their lengthy visa application captures all relevant information.
  • There is no space on the visa application for additional information.
  • They won't let another relevant party join the interview.
  • They won't accept additional information by email or on paper.

If you know someone in the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) who will actually hear me out, please let me know!

Update, August 2016: As commenters below and others suggested, I contacted my political representatives. No luck.


  1. I'm so sorry that this ongoing issue is still separating you and Victor. It sounds like the visa bureaucracy is both heartless and brainless.

  2. Have you tried contacting your senator? Sometimes they can actually be of assistance.

  3. I agree with contacting your Senator, or Rep Judy Chu perhaps. Has Victor been able to get a regular tourist visa ever, if not, why not? I have a neighbor whose French parent come to visit once a year and stay for a month or so each time.